The Beeb’s Breakfast


The Beeb asked the Greens
(Really quite reluctantly)
Since Dave was being obstinate
And really quite a pr*ck.
We’ll put you out with Miliband
Some Scotsmen and the UKIP lot,
You can line up with the rest and say
“I Disagree With Nick”

The Greens said “Certainly”
And went on the radio,
Stuck their feet inside their mouths
And talked about Free Speech,
The Welsh grumbled quietly
Till someone said “OK, you too”,
Nick Griffin tried to grab a spot
But found he couldn’t reach.

Some angry men from Ulster
Stamped their feet and marched around,
The Beeb now had a headache,
And ran away to hide.
Farage was on his fifteenth beer
And getting rather merry now,
He smiled for the cameras
And spilled his pint on Plaid.

Dave Cameron, all lizardy,
He thought he’d stir the pot again,
And wondered why Sinn Fein, let’s say
Weren’t on TV instead.
“And what about George Galloway,
Or those who care for animals,
And many people nowadays
can’t stand the sight of Ed.”

The Beeb, by now just sick of it,
Groaned “fine, fine, I just don’t care,
Let them come, get all of them,
The Pirate Party too.”
Farage was on the floor by now,
Being kicked by Welshmen,
And Sinn Fein and the DUP
Were fighting in the loo.

And unobserved, a spotty youth,
Crept up and whispered to the Beeb,
“There’s far too many of them sir,
We haven’t got the space.”
The Beeb by now had had enough,
And rang the bell and kicked them out,
And shouted “You’re all barred from here,
Don’t dare to show your face.”

So no debates at all this year,
And Dave was in a jolly mood,
Nothing better for a Tory,
Than beating down the Reds.
“Nobody,” he said,
As he slid down the bannister,
“Nobody”, he said,
As he grew a brand-new head,
“Nobody”, he said,
“Would call me a decent man,
But I do like to win an election from my bed.”


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One comment

  1. Jay Blanche · · Reply

    Shared. Fingers crossed xx

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